i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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