You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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