Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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