Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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