went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
