and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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