we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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