Pappa wants mamma naked
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
