Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize