I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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