I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
