dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
