TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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