I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
