You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
