How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
