somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
