I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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