Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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