Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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