I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
