my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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