I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
