I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
