She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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