i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
