Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
