Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
