I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
