I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
