If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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