Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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