At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
