hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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