I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
