I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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