Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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