I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
