The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
