i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
