I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
