I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
