I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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