I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
