I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
