He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
