you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
