this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He shit in the fireplace
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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