Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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