Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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