im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
