can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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