She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He felt like a one man threesome
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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