I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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