i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
