White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize