Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
