woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
