i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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