Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
