don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
