he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
