WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't put those talents on a resume
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
