I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
